Author: Homer Simpson Page 2

If the Bible has taught us anything – which it hasn't – it's that girls should stick to girl's sports like hot oil wrestling…

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Girls Sports TV/Movie Quotes

Volunteering is for suckers. Did you know that volunteers don't even get paid for the stuff they do?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Family TV/Movie Quotes

How is education going to make me smarter?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Education TV/Movie Quotes

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Intelligence TV/Movie Quotes Understanding

I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Conflict Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes War

When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

I’d be a vegetarian if bacon grew on trees.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

You’re everywhere. You’re omnivorous.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Malaprops TV/Movie Quotes

If you really want something in life you have to work for it; now quiet, they’re about to announce the lottery numbers.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes Work

I'll make the money by selling one of my livers… I can get by with one.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

If God didn't want me to eat chicken in church, then he would have made gluttony a sin.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

I've got to get out of this rut and back in the groove.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Life TV/Movie Quotes

Trying is just the first step toward failure.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Failure TV/Movie Quotes

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Children Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

Donuts… is there anything they can't do?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

If God didn't want us to eat animals, then why'd he make them so tasty?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Animals TV/Movie Quotes

When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Television TV/Movie Quotes

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

You can have all the money in the world, but there’s one thing you will never have… a dinosaur.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Money TV/Movie Quotes

Everything looks bad if you remember it.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Memory TV/Movie Quotes