Author: Homer Simpson Page 3

I was working on a flat tax proposal and accidentally proved there was no God.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Beliefs God TV/Movie Quotes

I wish God were alive to see this.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
God TV/Movie Quotes

When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

I want to be alone with my thought.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Intelligence Thinking

Internet – they have that on computers now?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Children TV/Movie Quotes

Oh, I have three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

If the Bible has taught us anything – which it hasn't – it's that girls should stick to girl's sports like hot oil wrestling…

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Girls Sports TV/Movie Quotes

The problem in the world today is communication… too much communication.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Communication TV/Movie Quotes

It takes two to lie, Marge. One to lie and one to listen.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Lies TV/Movie Quotes

Aah beer, the cause of – and solution to – all life’s problems. 

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Beer TV/Movie Quotes

Kids, kids, I'm not going to die; that only happens to bad people.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Death TV/Movie Quotes

I just wish once someone would call me "Sir" without adding, "You're making a scene."

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Situations TV/Movie Quotes

Stupidity got us into this mess, and stupidity will get us out.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Situations Stupidity TV/Movie Quotes

You know, my kids think you're the greatest. And thanks to your gloomy music, they've finally stopped dreaming of a future I can't possibly provide.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

Give me liberty or… Ooooo… a jelly donut!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

It’s so simple to be wise… just thing of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Intelligence TV/Movie Quotes Wisdom

If I could say a few words… I would be a better public speaker.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Communication Speech TV/Movie Quotes

Weaseling out of things is important to learn; it's what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Situations TV/Movie Quotes

Note to self: Stop. Doing. Anything.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Self TV/Movie Quotes

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Entertainment Television TV/Movie Quotes