Author: Homer Simpson Page 3

My favorite kind of wild animal is on a plate.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

There's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Kids, kids, I'm not going to die; that only happens to bad people.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

If God didn't want me to eat chicken in church, then he would have made gluttony a sin.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Facts are meaningless; you can use facts to prove anything that’s remotely true!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

All right, brain, you don’t like me, and I don’t like you, but let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Weaseling out of things is important to learn; it's what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

We can outsmart those dolphins. Don't forget – we invented computers, leg warmers, bendy straws, peel-and-eat shrimp, the glory hole, and the pudding cup.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Then we figured out we could just park them in front of the TV; that's how I was raised and I turned out TV.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I'd love to go to church, Honey, but I've got a lot of work to do around the bed.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Marge, you can't keep blaming yourself; just blame yourself once, then move on.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I want to be alone with my thought.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Just sit through this NRA meeting Marge, and if you still don't think guns are great then we'll argue some more.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

If you really want something in life you have to work for it; now quiet, they’re about to announce the lottery numbers.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

The problem in the world today is communication… too much communication.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Oh, I have three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I never apologize… I’m sorry but that’s the way I am.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)