Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Homer Simpson Page 4
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
Jury duty
Everything looks bad if you remember it.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Memory
TV/Movie Quotes
All right, brain, you don’t like me, and I don’t like you, but let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
People
Self
TV/Movie Quotes
I've got to get out of this rut and back in the groove.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Life
TV/Movie Quotes
Rut
When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Television
TV/Movie Quotes
The problem in the world today is communication… too much communication.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Communication
TV/Movie Quotes
Marge, every time I learn something new it pushes something old out of my brain. Remember that time I learned how to make wine and forgot how to drive?
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Mind
Self
TV/Movie Quotes
If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing!
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
Work
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
Trying
If he's so smart, how come he's dead?
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Intelligence
TV/Movie Quotes
If you really want something in life you have to work for it; now quiet, they’re about to announce the lottery numbers.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
Work
Lottery
You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
Work
Strikes
Just sit through this NRA meeting Marge, and if you still don't think guns are great then we'll argue some more.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
Guns
If it doesn't have Siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
Fairs
Marge, you can't keep blaming yourself; just blame yourself once, then move on.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
Blame
It takes two to lie, Marge. One to lie and one to listen.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Lies
TV/Movie Quotes
We can hike
anytime;
this is our chance to see cars driving.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Activities
TV/Movie Quotes
A woman is a lot like a refrigerator: 6 feet tall, 300 pounds… it makes ice.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
Women
When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Communication
Language
Situations
TV/Movie Quotes
English? Who needs that? I’m never going to England.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Communication
England
Language
Places
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