Author: Jeff Foxworthy Page 3

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I’d spent about half the day in the woods.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

You might be a redneck if… you have the electronic singing fish in more than three rooms in your house.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

You might be a redneck if… you have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

You might be a redneck if… you smoked during your wedding.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

You might be a redneck if… you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

You might be a redneck if… the FBI surrounded your trailer park twice so far this year.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

You might be a redneck if… your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

I have never been jealous; not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

You might be a redneck if… your family tree doesn’t fork.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

You might be a redneck if… you think the winter Olympic sport of curling is part of the “Big Hair” competition.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

You might be a redneck if… you think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are," Gentlemen, start your engines."

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

You break into my house… my wife will shoot you, and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

You might be a redneck if… your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

You might be a redneck if… a seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

You might be a redneck if… the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got AN IDIOT!

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

You might be a redneck if… you've ever worn a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

I call our bathroom 'The Vault' because the door's always locked and whatever goes on in there costs a shitload of money.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

If your son's name is Dale Jr. and your name's not Dale… you might be a redneck.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

You may be a redneck if you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

You might be a redneck if… you have used a bar stool as a walker.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality