Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Jeff Foxworthy Page 3
I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I’d spent about half the day in the woods.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Golf
Sports
Ticks
You might be a redneck if… you have the electronic singing fish in more than three rooms in your house.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People
Rednecks
Things
Singing
You might be a redneck if… you have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Education
Mothers
People
Rednecks
School
You might be a redneck if… you smoked during your wedding.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Activities
Marriage
People
Rednecks
Smoking
Wedding
You might be a redneck if… you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Activities
People
Rednecks
Television
VCRs
Wrestling
You might be a redneck if… the FBI surrounded your trailer park twice so far this year.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People
Rednecks
FBI
You might be a redneck if… your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People
Rednecks
Toilet paper
I have never been jealous; not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Characteristics
Education
Fathers
School
Jealousy
You might be a redneck if… your family tree doesn’t fork.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Family
People
Relationships
Family tree
You might be a redneck if… you think the winter Olympic sport of curling is part of the “Big Hair” competition.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Hair
People
Rednecks
Curling
You might be a redneck if… you think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are," Gentlemen, start your engines."
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People
Rednecks
Star Spangled Banner
You break into my house… my wife will shoot you, and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Arms
Speech
Things
Break-in
Shooting
You might be a redneck if… your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People
Rednecks
Things
Cable spool
Coffee table
You might be a redneck if… a seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Beer
Food/Drink
People
Rednecks
KFC
You might be a redneck if… the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Money
People
Rednecks
Relationships
Mobile homes
You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got AN IDIOT!
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Fools
Husbands
Intelligence
Marriage
Wives
You might be a redneck if… you've ever worn a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance
Clothing
People
Rednecks
Bras
Dress
Strapless
I call our bathroom 'The Vault' because the door's always locked and whatever goes on in there costs a shitload of money.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Money
Places
Bathrooms
If your son's name is Dale Jr. and your name's not Dale… you might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People
Rednecks
You may be a redneck if you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos
Education
Money
People
Pickup trucks
You might be a redneck if… you have used a bar stool as a walker.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Health
People
Bar stools
Walkers
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