Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Jeff Foxworthy Page 5
You might be a redneck if… your aunt and your grandmother went to the funeral and had a fight over who gets to be the widow.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Conflict
People
Rednecks
Relationships
Funerals
If your son's name is Dale Jr. and your name's not Dale… you might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People
Rednecks
Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals
Dogs
Situations
Birth
You might be a redneck if… your home has more miles on it than your car.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos
People
Rednecks
Home
Miles
You might be a redneck if… you've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Marriage
People
Rednecks
Relationships
In-laws
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Children
Clothing
Family
Health
Babies
Smell
You might be a redneck if… you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said "concentrate."
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Intelligence
People
Rednecks
Concentrate
Orange juice
You might be a redneck if… one of your kids was born on a pool table.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People
Rednecks
Situations
Birth
Pool table
You might be a redneck if… your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People
Rednecks
Daycare
Prom
You might be a redneck if… the FBI surrounded your trailer park twice so far this year.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People
Rednecks
FBI
You might be a redneck if… you've ever worn a tube-top to a funeral home.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Clothing
People
Rednecks
Funeral homes
Tube-tops
You might be a redneck if… you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three primary colors.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People
Rednecks
Science/Weather
Primary colors
You might be a redneck if… you use a NASCAR credit card.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People
Rednecks
NASCAR credit card
You might be a redneck if… you think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People
Rednecks
Anatomy
You might be a redneck if… you removed the back seat from your car so all yer kids could fit in.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos
Children
People
Rednecks
Things
Back seat
You might be a redneck if… your the tail light covers of your car are made of red tape.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos
People
Rednecks
Things
Taillights
You might be a redneck if… your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People
Rednecks
Toilet paper
You might be a redneck if… your daughter's Barbie Dream House has a clothesline in the front yard.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People
Rednecks
Things
Barbie Dream House
Clothesline
You might be a redneck if… directions to your house include "turn off the paved road.”
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People
Places
Rednecks
Directions
House
Paved road
I have never been jealous; not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Characteristics
Education
Fathers
School
Jealousy
You might be a redneck if… you just bought an 8-track player to put in your truck.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People
Rednecks
Situations
Things
Trucks
Page 5 of 8
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