Author: Joan Rivers Page 6

John Davidson: In folklore, what do you call the child of a fairy?

Joan Rivers: Adopted.  

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Hollywood Squares

You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Situations

I hate thin people; “Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Fat

My mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Characteristics Family Mothers

Peter Marshall: According to Raquel Welch, a woman’s bust size should have nothing to do with her sex appeal. True or false?

Joan Rivers: That’s easy for her to say.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Hollywood Squares

My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Husbands Marriage Sex

You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Doctors Health

At my age, an affair of the heart is a bypass.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Health Old Relationships