Author: Joey Adams

Most people play a fair game of golf… if you watch them.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist

If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist

The difference between playing the stock market and the horses is that one of the horses must win.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist

The most popular labor-saving device today is still a husband with money.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist

A bikini is like a barbed-wire fence… it protects the property without obstructing the view.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist

If you break 100, watch your golf; if you break 80, watch your business.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist

Do not worry about avoiding temptation; as you grow older it will avoid you.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist

Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist

Smack your child every day; if you don’t know why – he does.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist

My grandfather was killed at Custer’s last stand… he was camping in the next field and went over to complain about the noise.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist

People are still willing to do an honest day's work; the trouble is they want a week's pay for it.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist













The Rainforest Site