Author: Josh Billings

Woman’s influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

As long as we are lucky we attribute it to our smartness; our bad luck we give the gods credit for.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

The fools in this world make about as much trouble as the wicked do.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

To enjoy a good reputation give publicly, and steal privately.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Love looks through a telescope, envy through a microscope.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

The devil is the father of lies, but he neglected to patent the idea, and the business now suffers from competition.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

There is only one good substitute for the endearments of a sister, and that is the endearments of some other fellow's sister.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

It is a statistical fact that the wicked work harder to reach hell than the righteous do to enter heaven.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

It is true that wealth won't make a man virtuous, but I notice there ain't anybody who wants to be poor just for the purpose of being good.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is sea-sickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

The time to pray is not when we are in a tight spot but just as soon as we get out of it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Poverty is the step-mother of genius.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is… the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Every man has his follies – and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

When a man makes up his mind to become a rascal, he should examine himself closely and see if he isn't better constructed for a fool.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
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