Author: Josh Billings

Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy the wag of his tail.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs

It is true that wealth won't make a man virtuous, but I notice there ain't anybody who wants to be poor just for the purpose of being good.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Money Poverty Wealth

Some folks as they grow older grow wise, but most folks simply grow stubborner.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Age Old Wisdom

Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Children Dogs

Life is short, but it’s long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Life

Every man has his follies – and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Intelligence

The miser and the glutton are two facetious buzzards: one hides his store, and the other stores his hide.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Food/Drink Frugal Money

It ain’t what a man don’t know that makes him a fool, but what he does know that ain’t so.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Fools Intelligence

I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Age Old Success

The man who gets bit twice by the same dog is better adapted for that kind of business than any other.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs

Love looks through a telescope, envy through a microscope.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions Love

Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
People

About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is… the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Money People

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions God Love Marriage

A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that’s lost – he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs Politicians

It is much easier to repent of sins that we have committed than to repent of those we intend to commit.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Time

Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions Love

Woman’s influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Women

Threescore years and ten is enough; if a man can’t suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he must be numb.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Age Life Old

The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord it ain't the gout.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
God Health

The fools in this world make about as much trouble as the wicked do.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Fools Intelligence