Author: Josh Billings

The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord it ain't the gout.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

The devil is the father of lies, but he neglected to patent the idea, and the business now suffers from competition.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

The happiest time in a man's life is when he is in the red hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Woman’s influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Laughing is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one spot.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Threescore years and ten is enough; if a man can’t suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he must be numb.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy the wag of his tail.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

It is a statistical fact that the wicked work harder to reach hell than the righteous do to enter heaven.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

It is much easier to repent of sins that we have committed than to repent of those we intend to commit.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

To enjoy a good reputation give publicly, and steal privately.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

The fools in this world make about as much trouble as the wicked do.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Some folks are wise and some otherwise.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Some folks as they grow older grow wise, but most folks simply grow stubborner.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

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