Author: Mark Twain

Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

The report of my death was an exaggeration.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

It is best to read the weather forecast before we pray for rain.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Optimist: Person who travels on nothing from nowhere to happiness.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

When his time comes I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Never tell the truth to those unworthy of it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Describing her first day back in grade school after a long absence, a teacher said, it was like trying to hold 35 corks under water at the same time.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; truth isn’t.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity… another man’s, I mean.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Germany, the diseased world's bathhouse.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

A classic is a book which people praise, but no one reads.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
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