Author: Mark Twain

The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

In India, ‘cold weather’ is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door knob and weather which only makes it mushy.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

It is easier to stay out than get out.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I am pushing sixty… that is enough exercise for me.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

An ethical man is a Christian holding four aces.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

France has neither winter nor summer nor morals; apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Invest in inflation… it’s the only thing going up.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Every time I read Pride and Prejudice I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Just the omission of Jane Austen’s books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn’t a book in it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist