Author: Mark Twain

Be good and you will be lonely.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly; I said I don’t know.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

If the thermometer had been an inch longer we’d all have frozen to death.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

If you substitute damn every time you’re inclined to write very your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Faith is believing what you know ain’t so.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

It is easier to stay out than get out.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Adam was the luckiest man: he had no mother-in-law.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence to never practice either of them.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

He is useless on top of the ground; he aught to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

To create man was a fine and original idea; but to add the sheep was a tautology.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Are you so unobservant that you do not yet realize that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination?

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Every time I read Pride and Prejudice I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Switzerland is simply a large humpy, solid rock, with a thin skin of grass stretched over it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy – give one and take ten.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah didn't miss the boat.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist













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