Author: Mark Twain

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I am pushing sixty… that is enough exercise for me.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Just the omission of Jane Austen’s books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn’t a book in it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

There ain’t no way to find out why a snorer can’t hear himself snore.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

It is best to read the weather forecast before we pray for rain.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Optimist: Day-dreamer more elegantly spelled.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

God was left out of the Constitution but was furnished a front seat on the coins of the country.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy – give one and take ten.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Describing her first day back in grade school after a long absence, a teacher said, it was like trying to hold 35 corks under water at the same time.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

To eat is human, to digest, divine.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Prosperity is the best protector of principle.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

An ethical man is a Christian holding four aces.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist













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