Author: Mark Twain Page 2

Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Characteristics Facts Science/Weather

It resembles a tortoise shell cat having a fit in a plate of tomatoes.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Art Reviews/Criticism

It is best to read the weather forecast before we pray for rain.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Intelligence Science/Weather

I would like to live in Manchester, England; the transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Insults Places

I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
People Self Success

France has neither winter nor summer nor morals; apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Places

The trouble isn’t that there are too many fools, but that the lightning isn’t distributed right.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Fools Intelligence Science/Weather

If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Problems

I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Honesty Life Situations

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs

Only one thing, is impossible for God; to find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Government Law

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Money

I thoroughly disapprove of duels; if a man would challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Conflict

Germs attack people where they're weakest – which is why there are so many head colds.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Health Intelligence

Somewhere between the Angels and the French lies the rest of humanity.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People

It’s easier to fool people than to convince them they’ve been fooled.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Honesty

I smoke in moderation, only one cigar at a time.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics

A classic is a book which people praise, but no one reads.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Books Communication Reading/Writing

In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Education Fools God Insults Intelligence

Germany, the diseased world's bathhouse.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Health Insults Places

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial “we.”

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Language