Author: Mark Twain Page 3

The trouble isn’t that there are too many fools, but that the lightning isn’t distributed right.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

It’s easier to fool people than to convince them they’ve been fooled.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Those that respect the law and love sausage should watch neither being made.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Optimist: Day-dreamer more elegantly spelled.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence to never practice either of them.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

To eat is human, to digest, divine.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I would like to live in Manchester, England; the transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Germany, the diseased world's bathhouse.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Man is the only animal that blushes… or needs to.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, & over these ideals they dispute & cannot unite — but they all worship money.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

The report of my death was an exaggeration.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

New Year's Day… now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions; next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist