Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Mark Twain Page 8
I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs
Compliments
Ego
Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Alcohol
Food/Drink
Enough
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Future
Time
Procrastination
Tomorrow
Germany, the diseased world's bathhouse.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Health
Insults
Places
Germany
There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
America
Congress
Government
Places
Problems
Criminal class
It’s easier to fool people than to convince them they’ve been fooled.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs
Honesty
Get a bicycle’ you will not regret… if you live.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities
Bicycle
To eat is human, to digest, divine.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Eating
Food/Drink
Wordplay
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs
Opinion
Principles
A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Science/Weather
Circle
The first act occupied three hours… I enjoyed that in spite of the singing.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Reviews/Criticism
Of Wagner’s opera Parisfal
Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education
Learning
Those that respect the law and love sausage should watch neither being made.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Congress
Food/Drink
Government
Law
Sausage
It resembles a tortoise shell cat having a fit in a plate of tomatoes.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Art
Reviews/Criticism
On painter J. M. W. Turner's ‘The Slave Ship'
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Intelligence
Life
Stupidity
Success
Confidence
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication
Language
Differences
Lightning
If we keep on learning at this rate well soon know nothing at all.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education
Learning
The man who doesn’t read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Books
Communication
Reading/Writing
Advantage
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics
Indecision
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals
Cats
Education
Learning
People
Carries
Tail
France has neither winter nor summer nor morals; apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Places
Frances
Page 8 of 9
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