Author: Mark Twain Page 8

The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Education: The path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I was born lazy; I am no lazier now than I was forty years ago, but that is because I reached the limit forty years ago.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Prosperity is the best protector of principle.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

When angry count four; when very angry, swear.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Germs attack people where they're weakest – which is why there are so many head colds.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

He is useless on top of the ground; he aught to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

The first act occupied three hours… I enjoyed that in spite of the singing.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist