Author: H.L. Mencken

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

No man can hear his telephone ring without wishing heartily that Alexander Graham Bell had been run over by an ice wagon at the age of four.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey cage.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later, and for another thing, they die earlier.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Man is a beautiful machine that works very badly.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Dachshund: An animal half a dog high by a dog and a half long.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

It is a sin to believe evil of others, but is is seldom a mistake.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

A man always blames the woman who fooled him, in the same way he blames the door he walks into in the dark.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse – as a man shoots himself.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
The Literacy Site