Author: H.L. Mencken

The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

No man can hear his telephone ring without wishing heartily that Alexander Graham Bell had been run over by an ice wagon at the age of four.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

For every human problem, there is a neat, simple solution and it is always wrong.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Temptation is an irresistible force at work on a movable body.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Dachshund: An animal half a dog high by a dog and a half long.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

The only really happy folk are married women and single men.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore; it is not so much a war as an endless standing in line.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

He slept more than any other president… Nero fiddled, but Coolidge only snored.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Jury: a group of twelve men who, having lied to the judge about their hearing, health and business engagements, have failed to fool him.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Adultery is the application of democracy to love.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Tis more blessed to give than to receive; for example, wedding presents.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

A poet more than thirty years old is simply an overgrown child.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse – as a man shoots himself.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

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