Author: Richard Lewis

My grandfather used to make home movies and edit out the joy.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

My grandfather used to make home movies and edit out the joy.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

My family taught me to take regrets one day at a time.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

She said that after we had intercourse, I gave her an anti-climax.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

I have low self-esteem; when were in bed together, I would fantasize that I was someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

Life can be a bitch so at least try not to fall in love with one.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

My shrink told me that my happiness was stress related.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

At home now, I have cough medicine on tap.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

The best way to have an affair without feeling guilty is to sleep with your therapist.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

It’s stressful being a hypochondriac. In my home I have a walk-in medicine chest.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

My family wasn’t very religious; on Hanukkah, they had a menorah on a dimmer.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

I'm the Descartes of anxiety; I panic, therefore I am.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

I am much more comfortable in someone else’s skin.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

Dealing with joy sometimes is more difficult than overcoming adversity if you enjoy self-loathng as a hobby.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

I don’t blame my parents for my dysfunctions… I blame their parents.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

The first sentence that I was taught to say by my parents as a little boy was: “Of course I know that I’m wrong.”

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

One of my uncles said that apparently at birth I snuck out… I thought maybe someone was following me.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

There’s no place like home… that’s why I never went back.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

My shrink gives me 75 per cent off if I make believe I’m someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

My nightmares have coming attractions.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor













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