Author: Richard Lewis Page 2

Dealing with joy sometimes is more difficult than overcoming adversity if you enjoy self-loathng as a hobby.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions

If there is reincarnation and I come back as myself, I’ll kill myself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Self

My shrink gives me 75 per cent off if I make believe I’m someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Doctors Health

The best tip for insomnia for me is not trying to sleep.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Sleep

I'm the Descartes of anxiety; I panic, therefore I am.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Characteristics

At home now, I have cough medicine on tap.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

I wrote my nightmares out this afternoon so I can get a good night’s sleep tonight.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Sleep

When I was a kid at my birthday parties my mom would say, “make a death-wish and blow out the candles.”

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Self

She was hostile: you don’t have an orgasm and say to your lover, ‘Take that!'

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Relationships Sex

At home now, I have cough medicine on tap.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

Life can be a bitch so at least try not to fall in love with one.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Life Relationships

My goal this year is to make love being naked.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Sex

My car broke down this morning before I did.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Autos Things

My nightmares have coming attractions.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Sleep

I tried phone sex and got an ear infection.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health Sex

I’m trying to drop an asshole a day from my life and doing the math I’ll be done in the year 3011.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People

As a child my parents said they believed in Santa Claus but that I didn’t exist.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Family Parents

On New Year’s Eve, people in New Jersey stay up ‘til midnight and watch their hopes drop.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Places

My family taught me to take regrets one day at a time.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Family

It’s stressful being a hypochondriac. In my home I have a walk-in medicine chest.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

My shrink told me it was pointless to believe in myself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Beliefs Self