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Author: Rita Rudner Page 3
To me life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Children
Family
Life
Pregnancy
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Emotions
Husbands
Love
Marriage
My boyfriend and I broke up; he wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Marriage
Relationships
Boyfriends
All men are animals, but some make better pets than others.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Men
People
I always thought I'd go to the Oscars, but only as a stalker.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Entertainment
Film
People
Self
Oscars
Stalker
Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Cooking
Eating
Food/Drink
Mothers
Taste
Turkeys
I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Religion
Situations
The Pope
Touring
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Food/Drink
Hollywood
Marriage
Time
Milk
I don’t want something around my neck that’s worth more than my head.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Appearance
Clothing
On why she wears a fake jeweled necklace
A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner; these men usually have jobs and bathe.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Men
People
Dry cleaners
Meeting men
I thought AAA was an organization for people who are really bad alcoholics.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Alcohol
Food/Drink
Health
Alcoholics
Men will cook if danger is involved.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Cooking
Food/Drink
Men
People
Barbecuing
Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public; they can learn in private; in public they have to know.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Learning
Men
People
Humility
Public
Teaching
If I can’t have it all, can I at least have some of yours?
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Life
Situations
I’ve now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones… unfortunately, it’s a lower case l.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Places
Apartment
When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Children
Husbands
Marriage
Weekends
Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Men
People
Airplanes
Boring jobs
First class
It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Entertainment
People
Self
Prom
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was ‘Always.’
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Characteristics
Relationships
Situations
Mr. Right
Name
The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Men
Relationships
Time
Grieving
Sleep is the best of both worlds: you get to be alive and unconscious.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Situations
Sleep
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