Author: Rita Rudner Page 3

To me life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

My boyfriend and I broke up; he wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

All men are animals, but some make better pets than others.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

I always thought I'd go to the Oscars, but only as a stalker.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

I don’t want something around my neck that’s worth more than my head.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner; these men usually have jobs and bathe.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

I thought AAA was an organization for people who are really bad alcoholics.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Men will cook if danger is involved.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public; they can learn in private; in public they have to know.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

If I can’t have it all, can I at least have some of yours?

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

I’ve now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones… unfortunately, it’s a lower case l.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was ‘Always.’

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Sleep is the best of both worlds: you get to be alive and unconscious.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer