Author Rob Vaux | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Rob Vaux

It's a car movie made by people who couldn't find reverse in a Volkswagen; a puzzle box thriller assembled by the functionally insane.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Getaway”

As a routine thriller Firewall is barely functional, but as a waste of talent, it’s positively amazing.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Firewall”

My poor brain hung in there for as long as it could, but it lost its grip during the giant chicken attack and I haven’t seen it since.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “10 000 B.C.”

Dragging your boyfriend/husband to this movie will give him the leverage to demand multiple screenings of Jerry Bruckheimer films as penance. Ladies, you have been warned.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Must Love Dogs”

You could do worse… by which I mean you couldn't possibly do worse.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Hercules”

This couple has endured for over 900 years; the least Tristan & Isolde can do is show us a reason why.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Tristan & Isolde”

Psst! DreamWorks! Your Nemo envy is showing!

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Shark Tale”

Real-life military trainers – regardless of gender – never make you say, ‘Wow you’re hot!’ They make you say, ‘I’ll do whatever you want, please don’t hurt me.’

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Annapolis”

Robbing casinos? Shit, these guys should be in charge of Katrina relief!

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Ocean’s Thirteen”

Yeah Johnny, it’s got a Hemi. Too bad the rest of your movie is such a broken-down lemon.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer”

Stop for a moment and ponder just how stupid it is to blow the ending of your movie in the title.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn”

This film sucks on a level I can scarcely describe.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance”

Whew! That was close: something almost happened there for a minute.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2”

It doesn’t suck. Please take a moment to pick your jaw up off the floor and we’ll continue.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Rocky Balboa”

A tedious, astonishingly irritating march through scene after scene of quasi-Jungian horse flop.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Lady in the Water”

Fee. Fi. Fo. Meh.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Miscellaneous “Jack the Giant Slayer”

Only someone so smart could make a movie this stupid.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “My Soul to Take” Writer/director Wes Craven

Though a scant 100 minutes long, After Earth feels longer and slower than your average PBS pledge drive.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Miscellaneous “After Earth”

You’ll have more fun setting fire to yourself in the parking lot. You’ll be more entertained getting hit by a bus.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever”

Sun Tzu believed that becoming predictable would lead to disaster. Apparently, the creators of The Art of War couldn’t be bothered to take him to heart.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “The Art of War“

At least it’s not in 3D.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “The Hangover Part II”

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Author: Rob Vaux

It's a car movie made by people who couldn't find reverse in a Volkswagen; a puzzle box thriller assembled by the functionally insane.

As a routine thriller Firewall is barely functional, but as a waste of talent, it’s positively amazing.

My poor brain hung in there for as long as it could, but it lost its grip during the giant chicken attack and I haven’t seen it since.

Dragging your boyfriend/husband to this movie will give him the leverage to demand multiple screenings of Jerry Bruckheimer films as penance. Ladies, you have been warned.

You could do worse… by which I mean you couldn't possibly do worse.

This couple has endured for over 900 years; the least Tristan & Isolde can do is show us a reason why.

Psst! DreamWorks! Your Nemo envy is showing!

Real-life military trainers – regardless of gender – never make you say, ‘Wow you’re hot!’ They make you say, ‘I’ll do whatever you want, please don’t hurt me.’

Robbing casinos? Shit, these guys should be in charge of Katrina relief!

Yeah Johnny, it’s got a Hemi. Too bad the rest of your movie is such a broken-down lemon.

Stop for a moment and ponder just how stupid it is to blow the ending of your movie in the title.

This film sucks on a level I can scarcely describe.

Whew! That was close: something almost happened there for a minute.

It doesn’t suck. Please take a moment to pick your jaw up off the floor and we’ll continue.

A tedious, astonishingly irritating march through scene after scene of quasi-Jungian horse flop.

Fee. Fi. Fo. Meh.

Only someone so smart could make a movie this stupid.

Though a scant 100 minutes long, After Earth feels longer and slower than your average PBS pledge drive.

You’ll have more fun setting fire to yourself in the parking lot. You’ll be more entertained getting hit by a bus.

Sun Tzu believed that becoming predictable would lead to disaster. Apparently, the creators of The Art of War couldn’t be bothered to take him to heart.

At least it’s not in 3D.