Author: Robin Williams

Death is nature's way of saying, "Your table's ready."

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

Ever notice that George Bush doesn't speak when Dick Cheney is drinking water?

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

I think Nancy does most of his talking; you'll notice that she never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

People say satire is dead; it's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

You know, you get that tattoo of barbed wire when you’re 18, but by the time you’re 80, it’s a picket fence.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

He makes a Macy's Thanksgiving Day float look ridiculous.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

I feel like Adam when he said to Eve, “Back up, I don't know how big this gets.”

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

Cocaine is God's way of saying that you're making too much money.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

If we bury you ass up, I’ve got a place to park my bike.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

My God, we've had cloning in the South for years… it's called cousins.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

Spring is natures way of saying, “Let's party!"

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

We had gay burglars the other night; they broke in and rearranged the furniture.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

Death – to blink for an exceptionally long period of time.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

Running for senator in New York is like bobbing for piranhas.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

It’s great that we’ve got a compassionate conservative, but to me, that sounds like a Volvo with a gun rack.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

Spring is nature's way of saying, 'Let's party!'

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

Cricket is baseball on valium.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor













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