Author: Simon Munnery

Beware the smile of a waiter… it means he's pissed in your soup.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Food/Drink Situations

If you only read one book in your life… I highly recommend you keep your mouth shut.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Communication Intelligence Reading/Writing

It is the vanity of women to spend hours in front of a mirror; it is the vanity of men not to bother.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Appearance

Although no man is an island, you can make quite an effective raft out of six.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Miscellaneous

Plagiarism is the highest form of art just as theft is the highest form of commerce.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Communication

In this world there are winners and losers – and, of course, ‘the others’, who comprise the majority.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Failure People Success

Do not punish yourself, you deprive the world of its purpose.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Life Self

Behind every great man there lies a great woman… and one in front of him as well if he’s lucky.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Men People Women

The electric guitar – like making love – is much improved by a little feedback, completely ruined by too much.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Sex Things

A million monkeys were given a million typewriters… it’s called the Internet.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Communication Things

It is said that behind every great man lies a great woman… this is because women lie.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Men People Women

There are two types of people in this world: those who live in the cities… or ‘citizens’ as I call them… and those who live in the countryside… who shall remain nameless.

(1967 – ) English comedian
People

You know, it was only after my father showed me what I would inherit that I struggled to keep him alive.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Family Fathers

Many are willing to suffer for their art.. few are willing to learn to draw.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Art Entertainment

I wanted wine, women and song… I got a drunk woman singing.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Miscellaneous

He who disagrees with me in private, call him a fool; he who disagrees with me in public, call him an ambulance.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Conflict People Self

Why do men die before their wives? … Could it be because they want to?

(1967 – ) English comedian
Death Husbands Marriage Wives

London – the city that goes to bed quite late.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Places