Author: Steve Martin

These days it’s hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

Persistence is a great substitute for talent.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

Don't have sex… it leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

Boy, those French… they have a different word for everything!

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders… I hate necks.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

I believe in equality; equality for everybody; no matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

The operation was a success, but I’m afraid the doctor is dead.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

Let me be the first to tweet about the 2018 earthquake.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman… it's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything anymore if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

I know we’ve only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like none weeks and five days.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

If you’re studying Geology, which is all facts, as soon as you get out of school you forget it all, but Philosophy you remember just enough to screw you up for the rest of your life.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

Somewhere in the world is… the world’s worst doctor… and he could be yours.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

Some people have a way with words, and other people… oh, uh, not have way.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

Cruel Shoes

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

For sincere advice and the correct time, call any number at random at 3:00 a.m.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
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