Author: Stewart Francis

What is the big deal about trainspotters… I counted 27 of the losers today.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

You're looking at a very proud Canadian who is very proud of the educational system in Canadia…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

I was raised by my father; my mother left before I was born.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Did I already tell you my Alzheimer's joke?

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Today’s subliminal thought is: …

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

I went to a therapy group to help me cope with loneliness, but no one else turned up.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

I manufactured clown shoes… which was no small feat.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

We have a beautiful little girl who we named after my mom; in fact Passive Aggressive Psycho turns five tomorrow.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

I think women who think size doesn't matter are shallow.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing; you should never look down.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Is my wife dissatisfied with my body?… a small part of me says yes.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

I was a young lad living under a poker table with a chip on my shoulder.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

And even though I’m proud my father invented the rear view mirror, we’re not as close as we appear.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

My uncle was crushed by a piano; his funeral was very low key.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

I went to a karaoke bar last night that didn't play any 70's music…
at first I was afraid, oh I was petrified.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

A cure for agoraphobics is just around the corner.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

My father is schizophrenic, but he’s good people.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

"Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse… but enough about Kanye West."

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together; it was riveting.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

My teacher used to say I wasn't very observant… to be honest, that was her opinion.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

You're looking at a very proud Canadian who is very proud of the educational system in Canadia.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
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