Author: Stewart Francis Page 4

I got a new job stitching shoes; it was so-so.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Occupations Work

Did I already do my déjà vu joke?

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Situations

I wrote a book about a transsexual with a speech impediment; it's called Man or Myth.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
People

So I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, he sent me a large goat with a long neck, turns out I phoned dial-a-lama.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Wordplay

Oh, there's so much nudity on TV, I just sit there shaking my fist.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Entertainment Television

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance; we'll see about that.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Characteristics Doctors Health

If I repeatedly stab my cornflakes does that make me a cereal killer?

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Wordplay

I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’… you probably saw our posters.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Situations

Today’s subliminal thought is: …

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Wordplay

Question: What goes ‘clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, BANG BANG’? Answer: An Amish drive-by shooting.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
People Situations

My father is schizophrenic, but he’s good people.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Family Fathers Health

I used to be a mime…. but now I can talk about it…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Entertainment Occupations Speech Work

I used to have a job as a pantomime horse, but quit while I was a head.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Work

Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing; you should never look down.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Sex Ugly

Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of what I do, he spent his whole life in the kebab business, was buried with all his equipment, probably turning in his grave.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Life Situations

Me and my wife met at a Castanet class… we clicked.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Marriage Wives

I want to write a mystery novel… or do I?

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Reading/Writing

When I was a child my father attacked me with cameras; I still have flashbacks.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Things

Some people say Birmingham looks great in the summer. I reckon it looks better in the rear view mirror.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Insults Places

A cure for agoraphobics is just around the corner.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Health Language

I ran a sculpting studio, until it went bust.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Wordplay