Author: Terry Pratchett

A woman always has half an onion left over, no matter what the size of the onion, the dish or the woman.

(1948 – ) English novelist

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day; set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

(1948 – ) English novelist

Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.

(1948 – ) English novelist

Gods like to see an atheist around… gives them something to aim at.

(1948 – ) English novelist

The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.

(1948 – ) English novelist

Geography is just physics slowed down, with a couple of trees stuck in it.

(1948 – ) English novelist

Thud!

(1948 – ) English novelist

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

(1948 – ) English novelist

He] had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.

(1948 – ) English novelist

Only in our dreams are we free; the rest of the time we need wages.

(1948 – ) English novelist

It’s hard to be famous and alive.

(1948 – ) English novelist

A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.

(1948 – ) English novelist

Don’t think of it as dying; just think of it as leaving early to avoid the rush.

(1948 – ) English novelist

It’s the difference between using a feather and using a chicken.

(1948 – ) English novelist

Stupid men are often capable of things the clever would not dare to contemplate.

(1948 – ) English novelist

The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head.

(1948 – ) English novelist

The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the citadel; this is essentially the basis of all military thinking.

(1948 – ) English novelist

I’ll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there’s evidence of any thinking going on inside it.

(1948 – ) English novelist

This isn’t life in the fast lane, it’s life in the oncoming traffic.

(1948 – ) English novelist

Studies have shown that an ant can carry one hundred times its own weight, but there is no known limit to the lifting power of the average tiny eighty-year-old Spanish peasant grandmother.

(1948 – ) English novelist

Where's My Cow?

(1948 – ) English novelist