Author: Thomas Beecham

A glorified bandmaster.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Insults Music

Like two skeletons copulating on a corrugated tin roof.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Entertainment Music

The English may not like music, but they absolutely love the noise it makes.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Entertainment Music People Places

There are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish together; the public doesn’t give a damn what goes on inbetween.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Entertainment Music

Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands – and all you can do is scratch it.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Entertainment Insults Music

A musicologist is a man who can read music but can’t hear it.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Entertainment Music

In the first movement alone, I took note of six pregnancies and at least four miscarriages.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Communication Music Reviews/Criticism

There are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish together; the public doesn’t give a damn what goes on inbetween.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Entertainment Music

The bagpipes sound exactly the same when you have finished learning them as when you start.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Entertainment Music

The problem with women in an orchestra is that if they’re attractive it will upset my players and if they’re not it will upset me.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Appearance Entertainment Music People Women

No… but I have trodden in some.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Insults Music

Brass bands are all very well in their place – outdoors and several miles away.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Entertainment Music

Try everything once except incest and folk dancing.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Entertainment Life

Why do we have to have all these third-rate foreign conductors around – when we have so many second-rate ones of own?

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Insults