Author Tina Fey | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Tina Fey

U2 lead singer Bono met with President Bush at the White House this week. Bono urged the president to help the world’s poor; Bush urged Bono to get back with Cher.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Jack: We are lovers.
Liz: That word bums me out unless it’s between the words “meat” and “pizza”.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes As Liz Lemon in “30 Rock”

According to a new poll, Democrats are favoring Hillary Clinton for the Democratic presidential nominee for 2008; Democrats say they are looking for a fresh and exciting new way to get their asses handed to them.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live” Hillary Clinton

South Dakota Gov. Mike Rounds on Monday signed legislation banning almost all abortions in the state; as a result, South Dakota is changing its motto from ‘Under God, the People Rule’ to ‘You should have thought of that before prom.’

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes

My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Characteristics Anxiety

When Martha Stewart reported to prison yesterday, she was subjected to an invasive strip search that included a squat and cough, during which she laid two perfect blue speckled eggs.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes

President Bush and the Indian prime minister agreed Thursday on a landmark nuclear energy agreement in which the U.S. would share its nuclear know-how and fuel with India. And, in exchange, India would take all our jobs.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Places TV/Movie Quotes India

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Appearance Beauty

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger’s popularity has been slipping in recent months as residents slowly begin to realize they elected Arnold Schwarzenegger to be their governor.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes Arnold Schwarzenegger From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live”

In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students… there were no survivors.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Arms Conflict Guns NRA

If convicted [Scooter] Libby could face the following penalties: obstruction of justice: 10 years in prison; making false statements: 5 years; perjury: 4 years; going to jail with the name Scooter: priceless.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live” Scooter Libby

It was reported that Guy Ritchie has cast his wife Madonna in a small walk-on role in his new movie, Revolver… Madonna will play the part of the woman who ruins the film.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Acting Entertainment Insults Madonna

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs; if you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Emotions Entertainment Laughter Audiences Writers

Gay people don’t actually try to convert people… that’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

People Gays Jehovah's Witnesses

Kenneth: Your landlord called and he says it's not the toilet, it's you.
Liz: That's his opinion.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes As Liz Lemon in “30 Rock”

A Senate committee on Thursday approved a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage, apparently forgetting that our forefathers wore wigs and satin Capri pants.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes

According to Secret Service logs, convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff was at the White House only two times in the past fives years; of course, the real question is: was it the same two times that President Bush was there?

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes

Jack: We are lovers.
Liz: That word bums me out unless it’s between the words “meat” and “pizza”.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Miscellaneous As Liz Lemon in “30 Rock”

In the wake of a successful Iraqi elections President Bush’s job approval rating has jumped up to 57% or, as high school teachers call it, an ‘F’.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Miscellaneous From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live” George W. Bush

If Bush’s [overall approval ratings] don’t improve, he could become the first president held back and forced to repeat his presidency.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes George W. Bush

Al Qaeda on Friday released a statement confirming the death of Osama Bin Laden. They also announced that, as a result, Monday will be a half-day.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live” Osama bin Laden

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Author: Tina Fey

U2 lead singer Bono met with President Bush at the White House this week. Bono urged the president to help the world’s poor; Bush urged Bono to get back with Cher.

Jack: We are lovers.
Liz: That word bums me out unless it’s between the words “meat” and “pizza”.

According to a new poll, Democrats are favoring Hillary Clinton for the Democratic presidential nominee for 2008; Democrats say they are looking for a fresh and exciting new way to get their asses handed to them.

South Dakota Gov. Mike Rounds on Monday signed legislation banning almost all abortions in the state; as a result, South Dakota is changing its motto from ‘Under God, the People Rule’ to ‘You should have thought of that before prom.’

My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

When Martha Stewart reported to prison yesterday, she was subjected to an invasive strip search that included a squat and cough, during which she laid two perfect blue speckled eggs.

President Bush and the Indian prime minister agreed Thursday on a landmark nuclear energy agreement in which the U.S. would share its nuclear know-how and fuel with India. And, in exchange, India would take all our jobs.

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger’s popularity has been slipping in recent months as residents slowly begin to realize they elected Arnold Schwarzenegger to be their governor.

In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students… there were no survivors.

If convicted [Scooter] Libby could face the following penalties: obstruction of justice: 10 years in prison; making false statements: 5 years; perjury: 4 years; going to jail with the name Scooter: priceless.

It was reported that Guy Ritchie has cast his wife Madonna in a small walk-on role in his new movie, Revolver… Madonna will play the part of the woman who ruins the film.

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs; if you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.

Gay people don’t actually try to convert people… that’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.

Kenneth: Your landlord called and he says it's not the toilet, it's you.
Liz: That's his opinion.

A Senate committee on Thursday approved a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage, apparently forgetting that our forefathers wore wigs and satin Capri pants.

According to Secret Service logs, convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff was at the White House only two times in the past fives years; of course, the real question is: was it the same two times that President Bush was there?

Jack: We are lovers.
Liz: That word bums me out unless it’s between the words “meat” and “pizza”.

In the wake of a successful Iraqi elections President Bush’s job approval rating has jumped up to 57% or, as high school teachers call it, an ‘F’.

If Bush’s [overall approval ratings] don’t improve, he could become the first president held back and forced to repeat his presidency.

Al Qaeda on Friday released a statement confirming the death of Osama Bin Laden. They also announced that, as a result, Monday will be a half-day.