Author: Will Rogers

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

There ought to be one day – just one – when there is open season on senators.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

You never know how much a man can't remember until he is called as a witness.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The English should give Ireland home rule – and reserve the motion picture rights.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft; today it’s called golf.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

He’s the first president to discover that what the American people want is to be left alone.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Confucius perspired out more knowledge than the U.S. Senate has vocalized out in the last 50 years.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

I don't make jokes… I just watch the government and report the facts.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet the boat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Ain’t it funny how many hundreds of thousands of soldiers we can recruit with nerve; but we can’t find one politician in a million with backbone.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

All you need to grow fine, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The Venus de Milo is a good example of what happens to somebody who won't stop biting her fingernails.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Always drink upstream from the herd.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
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