Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
Home
About
Categories
Activities
Age
Animals
Appearance
Beliefs
Characteristics
Communication
Conflict
Death
Education
Emotions
Entertainment
Family
Food/Drink
Government
Health
Intelligence
Life
Marriage
Miscellaneous
Money
People
Places
Problems
Relationships
Science/Weather
Sex
Situations
Sports
Success
Things
Time
Work
Additional Categories
Book Titles
Confucius say
Definitions
Epitaphs
Exaggerations
Expressions
Hollywood Squares
Insults
Last Words
Murphy's Laws
Place Names
Proverbs
Reviews/Criticism
Song Titles
Tom Swifties
TV/Movie Quotes
Oops...
Bushisms
Church Bulletins
Classified Ads
Colemanballs
Headlines
Malaprops
Misspokements
Signs
Translations
Yogi-isms
Some Popular Authors
Abraham Lincoln
Alfred E. Neuman
Ambrose Bierce
Benjamin Franklin
Dave Barry
Demetri Martin
Dorothy Parker
Emo Phillips
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
H.L. Mencken
Homer Simpson
Jeff Foxworthy
Jimmy Carr
Joan Rivers
Mae West
Mark Twain
Mitch Hedberg
Oscar Wilde
Phyllis Diller
Richard Lewis
Rita Rudner
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
Stewart Francis
W.C. Fields
Will Rogers
Woody Allen
View All Authors
Author: Woody Allen Page 2
You always think another time would have been ideal for you; the reality is there was no novocaine when you went to the dentist.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
History
Past
Time
Dentists
Novocaine
Marriage is the death of hope.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage
Hope
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Age
Old
Countess Alexandrovna: You are the greatest lover I've ever had.
Boris: Well, I practice a lot when I'm alone.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex
TV/Movie Quotes
As Boris in “Love and Death”
I don’t want to live on in my work, I want to live on in my apartment.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Life
Work
Life after death
Sex alleviates tension; love causes it.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Emotions
Love
Sex
Tension
Most of the time I don’t have much fun; the rest of the time I don’t have any fun at all.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics
Emotions
Self
Fun
The most beautiful words in the English language are not “I love you,” but … “benign.”
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Health
Speech
From "Deconstructing Harry"
Sex and death; two things that come once in a lifetime… only after death, you’re not so nauseous.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death
Sex
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death
Emotions
Fear
I’m really a timid person – I was beaten up by Quakers.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Conflict
Fights
I don’ t know if you’ ve read my book, “Advanced Sexual Positions: How to Achieve Them Without Laughing.”
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex
TV/Movie Quotes
From “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were Afraid to Ask”
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage
Things
Wives
Pedestal
Hannah: Excessive masturbation?
Mickey: You gonna start knockin’ my hobbies?
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex
TV/Movie Quotes
As Mickey in “Hannah and Her Sisters”
Masturbation
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Appearance
Clothing
Science/Weather
Dressed
Eternal nothingness
I have an intense desire to return to the womb… anybody's.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Situations
Womb
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Body
Mind
People
I was the best I ever had.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People
Self
Sex
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics
Life
Regret
Someone else
Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing 'Embraceable You' in spats.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Miscellaneous
Trees
The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death
People
Self
Sex
Page 2 of 8
« Previous
1
2
3
4
5
Next »
Last »