Keyword: Airplanes

The food on the plane was fit for a king… “Here, King!”

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

It's strange, isn't it… you stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an airplane, and everyone joins in.

(1921 – 1984) British comedian & magician

The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee.

The minute a man reaches thirty thousand feet, he immediately becomes consumed by distasteful sexual fantasies which involve doing uncomfortable things in those tiny toilets.

American playwright, television writer & author

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets; it seems to me they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

(1922 – 2003) author & playwright

The faster the plane, the narrower the seats.

The first word you see at the airport is “terminal.”

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator

Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.

Old-timers weekends, and airplane landings are alike; if you can walk away from them, they’re successful.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

One night a jet flew a little too close to my house… I was walking from the living room to the kitchen and the stewardess told me to sit down.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Folks, if we're crashing, my seat cushion's gonna be used as a toilet.


They [airplane oxygen masks] don’t really help you… they’re just there to muffle the screams.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Remember the good old days when the only bomb you had to worry about on a plane was the Rob Schneider movie?

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you’re anxious to meet people who do.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor

How do you get off of a non-stop flight?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

The distance to the gate from which your flight departs is inversely proportional to the time remaining before the scheduled departure of the flight.

When you are served a meal aboard an aircraft, the aircraft will encounter turbulence.

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