Keyword: Alimony

Alimony is the curse of the writing classes.

(1923 – 2007) American novelist, journalist & playwright

Group sex… are you kidding, I had group sex… my wife screwed me in front of the jury.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of them continues to pay for it.

(1893 – 1957) American actress & celebrity

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

A man doesn’t know the value of a woman’s love until he starts paying alimony.

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

I heard from my cat’s lawyer today; my cat wants $12,000 a week for Tender Vittles.

(1925 – 2005) television host

These days the meaning of a faithful husband is one whose alimony checks arrive on time.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Alimony: The fee a woman charges for name-dropping.

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

(1882 – 1942) American actor

I don't think I'll get married again; every five years or so, I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist

Alimony: Bounty after the mutiny.

typographer

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Alimony: A system wherein two people make a mistake, and one of them keeps on paying for it.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

(1894 – 1967) English heir, New York socialite (married 13 times)

Alimony: The sum of money a man is commanded to pay his ex-wife in exchange for the pleasure of having her live under a separate roof.

My ex-wife is going to hell on a scholarship.

American comedian













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