Keyword: Alimony

I heard from my cat’s lawyer today; my cat wants $12,000 a week for Tender Vittles.

(1925 – 2005) television host

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

(1882 – 1942) American actor

Alimony: A splitting headache.

Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

Alimony: The sum of money a man is commanded to pay his ex-wife in exchange for the pleasure of having her live under a separate roof.

These days the meaning of a faithful husband is one whose alimony checks arrive on time.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Alimony: the ransom the happy pay to the devil.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Alimony: Bounty after the mutiny.


Alimony is the curse of the writing classes.

(1923 – 2007) American novelist, journalist & playwright

My ex-wife is going to hell on a scholarship.

American comedian

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

(1894 – 1967) English heir, New York socialite (married 13 times)

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Alimony: The fee a woman charges for name-dropping.

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Alimony: A system wherein two people make a mistake, and one of them keeps on paying for it.

I don't think I'll get married again; every five years or so, I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Group sex… are you kidding, I had group sex… my wife screwed me in front of the jury.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

The Rainforest Site