Keyword: Birthdays

You still chase women, but only downhill.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age.

(1802 – 1885) French writer

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday; she says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.

(1874 – 1963) American poet

The comfort of turning 49 is the realization that you are now too old to die young.

People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday; I tell them, a paternity suit.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

That man so old… he’s older than his birthday.

(1894 – 1975) American comedian

The first time you go out after your wife’s birthday, you will see the gift you gave her marked down fifty percent.
Corollary: If she’s with you, she’ll assume you chose it because it was cheap.

Birthday parties always end in tears.

When I was a kid at my birthday parties my mom would say, “make a death-wish and blow out the candles.”

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

Peg, this is your birthday, please don’t make me kill you!

(1946 – ) American actor

When I was 16 years old, the morning of my birthday, my parents tried to surprise me with a car, but they missed.

American comedian

Last week the candle factory burned down… everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

For my sister’s 40th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.

comedian

Birthdays are nice to have, but too many of them will kill a person.

There is still no cure for the common birthday.

(1921 – ) U.S. senator (Ohio) Marine Corps pilot & astronaut

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

American entrepreneur & author
The Hunger Site