Keyword: Fire

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day; set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

(1948 – ) English novelist

A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended.

(1899 – 1995) humorist

You're an old-timer if you can remember when setting the world on fire was a figure of speech.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist

I think a bad place for a fire would be the factory where they make those trick candles.

(1973 – ) American comedian

Last week my tie caught on fire; some guy tried to put it out with an ax!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I'm glad I don't have to explain to a man from Mars why each day I set fire to dozens of little pieces of paper, and then put them in my mouth.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author

My wife, she’s another one. Last night our house caught fire and I heard her tell the kids, “Shhh, be quiet; you’ll wake your father.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

To protect your position, fire the fastest rising employees first.

Which painting in the National Gallery would I save if there was a fire?… the one nearest the door of course.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an ax.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.

(1964 – ) English comedian, author & television presenter

There is nothing wrong with the car except that it is on fire.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator

Last week the candle factory burned down… everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer

I know a couple who get on like a house on fire; they both feel trapped and are slowly suffocating to death.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor













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