Keyword: Fire

It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.

(1964 – ) English comedian, author & television presenter

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day; set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

(1948 – ) English novelist

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

I know a couple who get on like a house on fire; they both feel trapped and are slowly suffocating to death.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer

Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an ax.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

There is nothing wrong with the car except that it is on fire.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator

To protect your position, fire the fastest rising employees first.

Last week the candle factory burned down… everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

I'm glad I don't have to explain to a man from Mars why each day I set fire to dozens of little pieces of paper, and then put them in my mouth.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author

Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Last week my tie caught on fire; some guy tried to put it out with an ax!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

My wife, she’s another one. Last night our house caught fire and I heard her tell the kids, “Shhh, be quiet; you’ll wake your father.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended.

(1899 – 1995) humorist

Which painting in the National Gallery would I save if there was a fire?… the one nearest the door of course.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

I think a bad place for a fire would be the factory where they make those trick candles.

(1973 – ) American comedian

You're an old-timer if you can remember when setting the world on fire was a figure of speech.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist

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