Keyword: Homeless

My wife donates money to the homeless and I donate money to the topless.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I’d still say no.

American comedian

No matter how much you give a homeless person for a cup of tea, you never get that cup of tea.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Kids… it’s like living with homeless people.

(1965 – ) American comedian

Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer

You know how embarrassing it is to walk with a girl on a first date and see somebody with the same shirt as you on – and they homeless?

American stand-up comedian

Knock knock jokes are completely wasted on the homeless.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

I used to go out with a homeless girl… it was great 'cause after sex, I could just drop her off anywhere.

(1957 – ) American comedian

I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless; I said ‘It’s nice to see so many bums on seats.’

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

I think the homeless have it pretty good because 98% of deadly accidents happen inside the home.

(1982 – ) American stand-up comedian













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