Keyword: Psychiatrist

Psychiatrist to patient: You’re suffering from paranoia… anyone’ll tell you.

(1928 – ) English cartoonist

My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night; now, we'll never see each other!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Psychiatrist: A head coach.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion; he said okay, you’re ugly too.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

A psychiatrist is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

I told my psychiatrist I keep thinking I’m ugly and he told me to lay on the couch… face down!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.

(1879 – 1974) film producer

The biggest difference between the psychiatrist and the patient is that the psychiatrist has learned how to live with it.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist













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