Keyword: Swearing

I sometimes throw in a couple of swears just to keep the Christian right off my tail; I wouldn’t want to be the tea party’s go-to comedian.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing; now I go to the driving range to practice slicing without swearing.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist

Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

As my mother always says, “If you have to swear to get laughs, then you’re obviously a c**t.”

(1972 – ) Irish stand-up comedian, voice over artist & actor

The reason they call if ‘golf’ is that all the other four-letter words were used up.

Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason… now I have a reason.

(1924 – 1992) English comedian & actor

I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing; now I go to the driving range to practice slicing without swearing.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist

He went and blessed me out!

Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason… now I have a reason.

(1924 – 1992) English comedian & actor

Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)

Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

(1867 – 1936) author & humorist

A gentleman never swears at his wife when ladies are present.