Keyword: Teachers

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Those who cannot teach – administrate.

Describing her first day back in grade school after a long absence, a teacher said, it was like trying to hold 35 corks under water at the same time.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

They say you never forget your first school teacher, I had mine like 4 years in a row… I was dating her by the time I got out of that joint.

American actor & stand-up comedian

I like to date school teachers; if you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

There’s always one teacher you had a crush on; for me, it’s my wife’s aerobics instructor.


When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)

School teachers are not fully appreciated by parents until it rains all day Saturday.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

(1803 – 1869) French Romantic composer

Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician

The schoolteacher is certainly underpaid as a child-minder, but ludicrously overpaid as an educator.

(1929 – 1994) English playwright, screenwriter & actor

I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor

I had a terrible education… I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

After I failed my second test, I grabbed my teacher by the front of the shirt and said “Are you ‘trying’ to keep this shit a secret?”

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over?… movie day

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian

For those eight years Clinton was the president, it was like we had that really cool substitute teacher.

(1977 – ) American comedian