Keyword: Telephone

Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with, ‘I can’t talk now, I’m going into a tunnel.'

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget, he didn't lose your number, he didn't die… he just didn't want to call you.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Men like phones with lots of buttons; it makes them feel important.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

(1925 – 2005) television host

Did you ever meet a mother who’s complained that her child phoned her too often… me neither.

(1946 – ) British actress, columnist & comedian

My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “Pick up, I know you’re there.”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be and when I called someone they went “Aaaaahhhh…”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

The voice of love seemed to call me… but it was a wrong number.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist

Telephone: A contrivance for letting us talk to people whom we don’t want to meet.

Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

There are worse things than getting a call for the wrong number at 4 a.m… it could be the right number.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

My grandma always says that she never gets any phone calls; so, for her birthday, I put one of those ‘How’s my driving?’ bumper stickers on her car.

comedian

No, you didn’t wake me up; I had to get up to answer the phone anyway.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller,' he said 'Not you again.’

(1926 – 2012) Irish comedian & actor

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

No name, no matter how simple, can be correctly understood over the phone.

For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press 3.

(1943 – 2004) author & psychologist

The effectiveness of a telephone conversation is in inverse proportion to the time spent on it.

Gossip is nature’s telephone.

(Sholem Naumovich Rabinovich) (1859 – 1916) Jewish author & humorist

I met this girl, she was an actress, and she gave me her number; it started with 555.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian