Subject: Hollywood Squares

Hollywood Squares:

The best lines from the television show "Hollywood Squares"

Peter Marshall: Lawrence Welk says that as a teenager, he promised his father he would work hard on their farm for four years, his Daddy would loan him the money to buy something few boys ever get. What?

Paul Lynde: A champagne lady.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Ann Landers recently wrote a book titled “How To Tell The Difference Between Love And…” what?

Paul Lynde: A kidney infection.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: It used to be called “9-pin.” What’s it called today?

Paul Lynde: Foreplay!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to The People’s Almanac, what do they call it when one person is engaged in kissing, fondling, and caressing with another person?

George Gobel: In show  business, we call it an interview.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: To Roy Rogers, what is Cowboy Heaven?

Paul Lynde: Seven minutes with Tammy Wynette!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Alexander Graham Bell of telephone fame, spent 30 years of his life trying to get a female sheep to do something. To do what?

Marty Allen: Return his phone call.

(1922 – 2018) comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: You are standing among the oldest living things on Earth. Where are you?

Totie Fields: Miami Beach.

(1930 – 1978) American comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the nursery rhyme, what did Little Bo Peep’s sheep leave behind them?

Paul Lynde: Well, Simple Simon thought they were bread crumbs!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: If you had twins and they weren’t identical, what would they be called?

Nannette Fabray: Peter and Debra!

(1920 – ) American actress, comedian, singer & dancer
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Do female frogs croak?

Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Are there any nudist camps in Italy?

Paul Lynde: No, the flies would eat you alive.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In the United States, what do we call the number one followed by 12 zeros?

Paul Lynde: Dean Martin And The Golddiggers.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… Paul, Gypsy folklore says that God created man by baking him in an oven.
Paul Lynde: [turns and looks at Black singer Leslie Uggams] Looks like you were overcooked.
[Leslie Uggams laughed so hard she was lying across the desk.]

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What do you call a bull that can’t have kids?

Paul Lynde: Anthony Quinn.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… there is a magazine called The Corsets & Underwear Revue?

George Gobel: I was reading that before Playboy came out.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?

Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, Snow White… was she a blonde or a brunette?

Paul Lynde: Only Walt Disney knows for sure…

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Tom Bergeron: Ellen, true or false… the state of Virginia was named after a reputed virgin.

Ellen Degeneres: Well, if that is true, what does that say about Idaho?

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Your date’s had a great shock, now she’s fainted. According to experts you should loosen her clothing, and do one other thing. What?

Paul Lynde: Send a postcard requesting an ambulance.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: The average child in China learns how to do it at age three. The average child in America never learns. What?

Paul Lynde: How to pull a rickshaw.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Do we get heat from stars?

Paul Lynde: You will if I have to share my dressing room again.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares