Author: Ambrose Bierce

Future: That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Future Time

Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Art Definitions

Opportunity: A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions

Truce: Friendship.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Conflict Definitions Relationships

Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Intelligence Language

Dentist: A prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coins out of your pocket.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Money

Congress: A body of men who meet to repeal laws.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Government Language Law

Kill: To create a vacancy without nominating a successor.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Death Definitions Killing

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Ignoramus: A person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself, and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Intelligence Wisdom

Marriage: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Marriage

Revolution: An abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Conflict Definitions Government

Omen: A sign that something will happen if nothing happens.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Intelligence People

Egotism: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions

Quotation: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Speech

Patience: A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

Peace: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Fights Politics Time

Accordian: An instrument inharmony with the sentiments of an assassin.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Entertainment Music

Christian: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbors. 

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one’s country.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Lies