Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
Home
About
Categories
Activities
Age
Animals
Appearance
Beliefs
Characteristics
Communication
Conflict
Death
Education
Emotions
Entertainment
Family
Food/Drink
Government
Health
Intelligence
Life
Marriage
Miscellaneous
Money
People
Places
Problems
Relationships
Science/Weather
Sex
Situations
Sports
Success
Things
Time
Work
Additional Categories
Book Titles
Confucius say
Definitions
Epitaphs
Exaggerations
Expressions
Hollywood Squares
Insults
Last Words
Murphy's Laws
Place Names
Proverbs
Reviews/Criticism
Song Titles
Tom Swifties
TV/Movie Quotes
Oops...
Bushisms
Church Bulletins
Classified Ads
Colemanballs
Headlines
Malaprops
Misspokements
Signs
Translations
Yogi-isms
Some Popular Authors
Abraham Lincoln
Alfred E. Neuman
Ambrose Bierce
Benjamin Franklin
Dave Barry
Demetri Martin
Dorothy Parker
Emo Phillips
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
H.L. Mencken
Homer Simpson
Jeff Foxworthy
Jimmy Carr
Joan Rivers
Mae West
Mark Twain
Mitch Hedberg
Oscar Wilde
Phyllis Diller
Richard Lewis
Rita Rudner
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
Stewart Francis
W.C. Fields
Will Rogers
Woody Allen
View All Authors
Author: Charley Weaver Page 2
Peter Marshall: According to Billy Graham, can you get anything you’ve always wanted in Heaven, if you didn’t get it on Earth?Charley Weaver: Yes, but there’s an extra charge for the whitewalls.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What makes water hard?Charley Weaver: Winter.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to a recent article in the
Miami Herald
, at age 78, is Groucho Marx still interested in sex?Charley Weaver: Yes, but he’s forgotten the secret word.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What famous story begins with the discovery of magic beans?Charley Weaver:
Inherit the Wind.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to Robert Mitchum, one thing has ruined more actors than drinking. What? Charley Weaver: Not drinking.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Does Pat Nixon think her husband is fun?Charley Weaver: Yes, she says he's full of it.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false – Lawrence Welk has a fourth grade education.Charley Weaver: That’s why he says, “And a one and a two…”
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Arthur Hailey had a very successful movie and novel called
Hotel.
He has a new best seller about another stopover point. What is it called?Charlie Weaver: Service Station.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Which is higher, a vice admiral or a rear admiral?Charley Weaver: That depends on who drinks the most.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In the literary world, who kept saying 'I think I can, I think I can?’ Charley Weaver: Well, out at the home, that was Mr. Ferguson. And Mrs. Ferguson kept saying “I wish he would! I wish he would!”
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In the literary world, who kept saying ‘I think I can, I think I can?’
Charley Weaver: Well, out at the home, that was Mr. Ferguson. And Mrs. Ferguson kept saying '’ wish he would! I wish he would!’
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: You’re a 71-year-old man who has lost interest in sex. Does your doctor have anything to help you?Charley Weaver: No, but his nurse does.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Is there a weight limit for bags on airline flights in this country? Charlie Weaver: If she can fit under the seat, she can fly.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Every night before he went to bed, George Washington would always put his false teeth into something. What?Charley Weaver: Martha!
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Charles, how many balls would you expect to find on a billiard table?Charley Weaver: How many guys are playing?
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Who said, “Richard Nixon was the most difficult man I ever had to paint?”Charlie Weaver: Earl Scheib. [A company which specialized in repainting automobiles]
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Shakespeare wrote 154 of them. What are they?Charley Weaver: Checks to Rose Marie for services rendered.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: You are a senior citizen and during the night while you are asleep, your heart beats 50 times per minute. Is there something wrong with you?Charley Weaver: Well, let's put it this way. Could you ask me Friday's questions today?
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Charley, how many balls are on a pool table in a standard game of 8-ball?Charlie Weaver: How many men are on the table?
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Your bird has a temperature of 150 degrees. Will he live? Charley Weaver: Gee, I hope not. My dinner guests will be here in a couple of minutes.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Page 2 of 3
« Previous
1
2
3
Next »