Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Paul Lynde Page 2
Peter Marshall: Paul, the Rio Grande River separates Texas and Mexico. What does “Rio Grande” mean in Spanish?Paul Lynde: El Washing Machine.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, what profession is the most common for prostitutes after they retire?Paul Lynde: Smuggling!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: You're on a yacht, and you're seasick. According to Emily Post, should you tell your host? Paul Lynde: No, let him find out for himself.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… in Sweden, a person can get an instant divorce?Paul Lynde: Yes, from poisoned meatballs.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, in the early days of Hollywood, who was usually found atop Tony, the Wonder Horse? Paul Lynde: My Friend Flicka.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… your teeth are about the same size and shape as a pig's?Paul Lynde: Look who's talking, Beaverface!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: A recent navy picture had Admiral Zumwalt kissing Admiral Duirk. Why?Paul Lynde: Too long at sea!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: At the end of the movie
The Planet of the Apes,
what does Charlton Heston see that makes him realize that he is actually in New York City?Paul Lynde: A Puerto Rican.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it? Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn’t neglected!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: When is it a good idea to put your pantyhose in the microwave oven for two minutes?Paul Lynde: When your house is surrounded by the police.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to
Coronet
, do most men feel uneasy around women with really large breasts?Paul Lynde: Yes, they run for cover.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Teddy Roosevelt maintained that he had something removed from two United States coins purely for the sake of art. What? Paul Lynde: The bottom half of the buffalo.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Flip Wilson has said that he’s eaten about 2,000 of them and enjoyed them immensely. To what was he referring?Paul Lynde: Missionaries
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, what is the name of the small musical intrument shaped like a triangle?Paul Lynde: Connie Stevens.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Which performing team were the stars of Ed Sullivan’s first TV show? Paul Lynde: Aretha and Benjamin Franklin.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In
Alice in Wonderland
, who kept crying “I’m late, I’m late?”Paul Lynde: Alice, and her mother is sick about it.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In baseball, there’s a special name for the area between a player’s knees and his armpits. Paul Lynde: Aren’t you glad? Aren’t you glad?! AREN’T YOU GLAD… he used Dial?
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: The great writer George Bernard Shaw once wrote, 'It's such a wonderful thing, what a crime to waste it on children.' What is it?Paul Lynde: A whipping.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, Pat Nixon says it’s difficult to sleep with President Nixon because of something he does in the middle of the night. What is it?Paul Lynde: He’s digging a tunnel.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to legend, who looks better, a pixie or a fairy? Paul Lynde (in deeper voice): Well, looks aren’t everything!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Prehistoric man had two uses for sheep. One was for food. What was the other?Paul Lynde: Conversation.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
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