Author: Paul Lynde Page 4

Peter Marshall: You’re equipped with a pick, a sieve, and a shallow pan. What are you about to do?

Paul Lynde: Joan Crawford’s eyebrows.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Can you get 12 pounds of feathers out of a goose?

Paul Lynde: I got them in there, didn’t I?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: If the right part comes along, will George C. Scott do a nude scene?

Paul Lynde: You mean he doesn’t have the right part?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, how many men are on a hockey team?

Paul Lynde: Oh, about half.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… in Egypt, they grow a special kind of cotton that is multi-colored.

Paul Lynde: And white people have to pick it!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Elizabeth Taylor calls it ‘the Big One,’ What is it?

Paul Lynde: They both look the same to me!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… research indicates that Columbus liked to wear bloomers and long stockings.

Paul Lynde: It’s not easy to sign a crew up for six months…

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter: Do baby elephants nurse?

Paul Lynde: That’s why you should never go topless on an African beach.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, the Rio Grande River separates Texas and Mexico. What does “Rio Grande” mean in Spanish?

Paul Lynde: El Washing Machine.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In The Wizard Of Oz, the Tin Man wanted a heart, and the Lion wanted courage. What did the Straw Man want?

Paul Lynde: He wanted the Tin Man to notice him.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In television, who lived in Doodyville?

Paul Lynde: The Ty-De-Bowl Man.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: When Henry Kissinger recently visited Japan, he went to a Geisha House, now how did he spent his time in the Geisha House?

Paul Lynde: Oh, negotiating for “peace!”

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Besides a baton, what did Xavier Cugat always have in his hand when he lead his orchestra?

Paul Lynde: Arthritis.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Which performing team were the stars of Ed Sullivan’s first TV show?

Paul Lynde: Aretha and Benjamin Franklin.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Imagine you are a child in your mother’s womb, can you detect light?

Paul Lynde: Only during ballet practice.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: It used to be called “9-pin.” What’s it called today?

Paul Lynde: Foreplay!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the French Chef, Julia Child, how much is a pinch?

Paul Lynde: Just enough to turn her on.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Prehistoric man had two uses for sheep. One was for food. What was the other?

Paul Lynde: Conversation.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What is a good reason for pounding meat?

Paul Lynde: Loneliness!


(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Robert Young recently stated, “I never, never give…” something to his fans who ask for it. What?

Paul Lynde: A hysterectomy.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, why are forest rangers in remote locations ordering goats as standard equipment?

Paul Lynde: Because the sheep are wising up?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares