Author: Paul Lynde Page 5

Peter Marshall: What do you call a bull that can’t have kids?

Paul Lynde: Anthony Quinn.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In the Shakespearean play King Lear, King Lear had three of them – Goneril, Cordelia, and Regan? Who were they?

Paul Lynde: King Lear had Goneril?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What should you do if your parakeet has a temperature of 112 degrees?

Paul Lynde: Baste him!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Why was Daniel thrown to the den of lions?

Paul Lynde: For jaywalking in Jerusalem.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In the Middle Ages, Paul, people in convents were not allowed to eat beans because they believed something about them we now know isn’t true. What?

Paul Lynde: Well, I know they took a vow of silence…

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: You’re on your first visit to Japan, and you head right for the Kabuki. Why?

Paul Lynde: It was a long plane ride.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: The average child in China learns how to do it at age three. The average child in America never learns. What?

Paul Lynde: How to pull a rickshaw.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the World Book, is it okay to freeze your persimmons?

Paul Lynde: No. You should dress warmly.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?

Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Queen Elizabeth generally swings her umbrella behind her back, and immediately, something happens. What?

Paul Lynde: Lord Snowden doubles up in pain.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, True or false… the University of Nebraska was recently given $185,000 for an extensive study of the prune.

Paul Lynde: There goes $185,000 down the drain!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Billy Graham recently called it “our great hope in a confusing and ever-changing world.” What is it?

Paul Lynde: Pampers.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… there are more psychiatrists in Beverly Hills than plumbers.

Paul Lynde: When my toilet’s backed up, I don’t care who fixes it!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, how many fingers in the Girl Scout salute?

Paul Lynde: Gee, I don't remember. The last time I saw it was when I didn't buy their cookies.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: The U.S. will soon reportedly share a secret with Japan. What is it?

Paul Lynde: The location of the Pacific Fleet.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, you have a 9 year old son who constantly wets the bed.  What should you do?

Paul Lynde:  Get rid of him! 

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Which performing team were the stars of Ed Sullivan’s first TV show?

Paul Lynde: Aretha and Benjamin Franklin.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter: Do baby elephants nurse?

Paul Lynde: That’s why you should never go topless on an African beach.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?

Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Are there any nudist camps in Italy?

Paul Lynde: No, the flies would eat you alive.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What do you call a man who gives you diamonds and pearls?

Paul Lynde: I’d call him “Darling”!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares