Author W.C. Fields | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: W.C. Fields

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes From “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break”

I didn’t think prohibition would last that long.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Time When asked during prohibition why (if he didn't have a drinking problem) he bought 300 cases of gin before it started

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Cooking Food/Drink Wine

Do you travel as one person or do you get a party rate of ten?

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Appearance Fat TV/Movie Quotes From “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break”

I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Conflict Situations Arguments

Of course, now I touch nothing stronger than buttermilk: 90-proof buttermilk.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Buttermilk

Secretary: Someday you’ll drown in a vat of whiskey.
Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes From “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break” Whiskey

How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil's Brew; I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon… and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Stumbling

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Blood

I feel as though the Russian Army has been walking over my tongue in their stocking feet.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Sheriff John Hoxley in “Six of a Kind”

She’s all dressed up like a well-kept grave.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As The Great McGonigle in “The Old Fashioned Way”

I shall send over a couple of pet beavers to romp with you.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Larsen E. Whipsnade in “You Can’t Cheat an Honest Man” To ventriloquist dummy Charlie McCarthy

I never drink water… fish f**k in it.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Sex Fish Water

There’s not a man in America who at one time or another hasn’t had a secret desire to boot a child in the ass.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Children Family Situations

Ah yes, she's a fine figure of a woman, isn't she? … a handsome lass if there ever was one – and exceptionally well-preserved too.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Appearance Body Regarding Mae West

It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the D.T.'s begin.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Health Hollywood Places Delirium tremens

I’ve never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As J. Effingham Bellweather in “The Golf Specialist”

No doubt exists that all women are crazy, it’s only a question of degree.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Intelligence People Women Crazy

A plumber's idea of Cleopatra.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

People Mae West

Marry an outdoors woman; then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Marriage People Women

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Author: W.C. Fields

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.

I didn’t think prohibition would last that long.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Do you travel as one person or do you get a party rate of ten?

I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.

Of course, now I touch nothing stronger than buttermilk: 90-proof buttermilk.

Secretary: Someday you’ll drown in a vat of whiskey.
Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil's Brew; I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon… and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

I feel as though the Russian Army has been walking over my tongue in their stocking feet.

She’s all dressed up like a well-kept grave.

I shall send over a couple of pet beavers to romp with you.

I never drink water… fish f**k in it.

There’s not a man in America who at one time or another hasn’t had a secret desire to boot a child in the ass.

Ah yes, she's a fine figure of a woman, isn't she? … a handsome lass if there ever was one – and exceptionally well-preserved too.

It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the D.T.'s begin.

I’ve never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy, it’s only a question of degree.

A plumber's idea of Cleopatra.

Marry an outdoors woman; then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive.