Random One-Liners

I may play the fool at times but I’m a little more than just a pretty blonde girl with an ass that won’t quit.

(1963 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
TV/Movie Quotes

After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an automobile accident, you begin to worry about history.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor
Accidents Autos History Time Truth

Modern history

Oxymorons

She was old too, when she went to school they didn’t have history.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Education History Old School Time

Young people should be helped, sheltered, ignored, and clubbed if necessary.

(1909 – 1979) American cartoonist (Li'l Abner)
Age People Young

It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities Sex Time

There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like; avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.

(1934 – ) English actress
Friends People

I am not so think as you drunk I am.

(1884 – 1958) British poet, writer, historian & literary editor
Alcohol Food/Drink Wordplay

As I remember it, the bases were loaded.

professional baseball player
Baseball Misspokements Sports

Madam: Someone for whom the belles toil.

Definitions Occupations

Money isn’t everything: usually it isn’t enough.

Money

With Perseids this week the sky is best place to find a meteor

Headlines

I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Bushisms

Drive To Ban Horse Whipping Mushrooms

Headlines

I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.

(1926 – 2001) American science fiction writer
Problems

I just think in order to be called a sport both teams need to know there’s a game going on.

(1975 – ) American comedian
Sports

I've always tried to be a good American citizen, so I have made it a point not to learn any other language but English.

stand-up comedian
America Communication Language People Self

Terry Downes' face looked as if he had slept on it.

English broadcaster, journalist & author
Appearance Boxing Sports

He has me sitting on pins and cushions waiting.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Misspokements Situations

She not only expects the worst, but makes the worst of it when it happens.

(1895 – 1956) Armenian essayist, novelist, playwright, & scriptwriter
Characteristics Insults

When you’ve seen all of Ionesco’s plays… you’ve seen one of them.

(1927 – 1980) English theatre critic & writer
Reviews/Criticism