Random One-Liners

Like two skeletons copulating on a corrugated tin roof.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Entertainment Music

Sam: [angry] You want to know the truth? It wasn’t four honeys. It was four hundred women… easy.

Diane: [coolly] They’d have to be.

(1949 – ) American actress
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

You can build a throne with bayonets, but it’s difficult to sit on it.


Conflict War

Confucius say… alarm clock is something that makes people rise and whine.

Confucius say

Don King dresses like a pimp and speechifies like a store-front preacher.

boxing writer
Boxing Sports

Asking an incumbent member of Congress to vote for term limits is a bit like asking a chicken to vote for Colonel Sanders.

(1959 – ) U.S. Representative (South Carolina)
Elections/Voting Government Politicians

Baseball has been good to me since I quit trying to play it.

(1931 – ) American baseball player & manager
Baseball Sports

Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Appearance Body Fat Men People Women

What makes Teflon stick to the pan?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Miscellaneous

Strip the phony tinsel off Hollywood and you'll find the real tinsel underneath.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Hollywood Places

The hula dance is simple: you put some grass on one hip, some more grass on the other hip, and then you rotate the crops.

Dance Entertainment

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

So little time and so little to do.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Activities Time

You’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you.

(1945 – ) American singer-songwriter, musician & children’s author
Characteristics

I went to San Francisco; I found someone's heart.


America Places

Is my car the only one in America where someone breaks in and turns up my radio every time I park?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Things

Now that I am sixty, I see why the idea of elder wisdom has passed from currency.

(1932 – 2009) author, poet & critic
Age Intelligence Old Wisdom

I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more, but how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?

(1909 – 2000) Danish-born comedian & pianist
Entertainment Music

He’s a good ol’ dog, but sometimes he sh*ts to close to the porch.

Miscellaneous

I used to go out with a homeless girl… it was great 'cause after sex, I could just drop her off anywhere.

(1957 – ) American comedian
People Sex

Don't be in such a hurry.

(1915 – 1959) American jazz singer & songwriter
Last words