Random One-Liners

One could not dignify him with the name of stuffed shirt; he was simply a hole in the air.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Insults

Lloyd Webbers music is everywhere… but so is AIDS.

(1931 – 2003) Australian composer
Entertainment Insults Music

If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Science/Weather Wordplay

I'm often asked why I travel around the country talking politics: Is it for humanitarian reasons, community spirit, or is it for the money, the limousines or the girls? … The answers are: no, no, yes yes yes!

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Activities Government Politics Travel

The three toughest jobs in the world are: President of the United States, mayor of New York, and head football coach at Notre Dame.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Government Occupations Work

Hospitals Resort To Hiring Doctors

Doctors Headlines

Beware the hobby that eats.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Activities Eating Food/Drink

A victim of the use of water as a beverage.

(1793 – 1863) American politician, statesman & soldier
Characteristics Communication Insults

Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, would you give me a hand with the bags?

Igor: Certainly. You take the blonde and I’ll take the one in the turban.

(1934 – 1982) English writer, comedian & actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Boxing writers are the only people out there who have less constructive jobs than what I do; I don't do nothing but hit people, and those mothers don't do nothing but write about what I do!

(1950 – ) American boxer & actor
Boxing Sports

Anything is edible if it is chopped finely enough.

Eating Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast.

Miscellaneous

Garden: Something that dies if you don’t water it, and rots if you do.

Definitions

If you run into an old girlfriend – no matter how innocently – your wife will know about it before you get home.

Husbands Marriage Murphy’s Laws Wives

Hornets Will Accent Throwing Game In '81

Headlines

A hand in the bush is worth two anywhere else.

Murphy’s Laws

You can lead a gift horse to water but you can't look him in the mouth.

Mixed metaphors

Road: A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Autos Definitions Things Travel

I like a man who's good, but not too good; for the good die young, and I hate a dead one.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Age Characteristics

There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.

(1812 – 1870) English novelist
Friends People

No, it’s liquid sunshine.

Miscellaneous