Random One-Liners

Summer camp is where the parents spend a thousand dollars so their daughter can learn to make a fifty-cent potholder.

Definitions Places

Do not punish yourself, you deprive the world of its purpose.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Life Self

It would kill a cat and turn rocks into scrambled eggs.

(1913 – 1975) American actor
Reviews/Criticism

Where you stay?

Miscellaneous

I haven’t heard the president state that we’re at war… that’s why I too am not knowing… do we use the term intervention?… do we use war?… do we use squirmish?… what is it?

(1964 – ) U.S. governor (Alaska) commentator & author
Conflict Misspokements

Otto von Bismarck: The Germans have just bought a new country in Africa where Jews and pigs will be tolerated.

Disraeli: Fortunately, we are both here (in England).

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Insults People

Every time I hear the name Joe Louis my nose starts to bleed.

British boxing champion
Boxing Sports

Patient With Bad Knee Has Surgery On Healthy Tooth

Headlines

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Dance Entertainment Intelligence Music

You can’t blame a worm for not wanting to go fishing.

Miscellaneous

I left the room with silent dignity, but caught my foot in the mat.

(1847 – 1912) English comedian, writer, composer, actor & singer
Characteristics Situations

My sister wanted a cat for a pet… I wanted a dog, so they bought a cat and taught it to bark.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Animals Cats Dogs Relationships

Confucius say… tears are the hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water power.

Confucius say

Confucius say… question authority and the authorities will question you.

Confucius say

A fool with a plan can beat a genius with no plan.

(1928 – 2019) American business magnate a&d financier
Fools Intelligence

How many husbands have I had?… do you mean apart from my own?

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Husbands Marriage Sex

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Things

A crisis is when you can't say "let's forget the whole thing."

Murphy’s Laws

Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.

Proverbs Situations

Unstoppable, Baby!

professional basketball player
Basketball Misspokements Sports

Andy Warhol made fame more famous.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Success