Random One-Liners

Bart, stop pestering Satan!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Julie Kavner)
TV/Movie Quotes

Good Neighbor: One who doesn’t borrow his garden hose back too often.

Definitions

No one's gonna give a damn in July if you lost a game in March.

(1930 – 2013) American baseball manager
Baseball Sports

If the shoe fits, it's too expensive.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Appearance Clothing Money

An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor
Animals Characteristics

Let fightin' dogs lie.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Animals Malaprops Situations

If your head is wax, don't walk in the sun.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Intelligence Situations

I travel a lot; I hate having my life disrupted by routine.

(1911 – ) American editor & writer
Activities Travel

I've been in politics long enough to know that polls just go poof at times.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Bushisms

Oh shine!

Miscellaneous

Bankruptcy: A fate worse than debt.

Definitions Money

It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.

Beliefs People Religion Sex

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands… all the rest of you… if you’ll just rattle your jewelry.

(1940 – 1980) English rock musician, singer & songwriter
Miscellaneous

I’m so hungry I could beat a dead horse.

Mixed metaphors

It ain't necessarily so.

Murphy’s Laws

Fake Condoms Kill Adam And Eve In China

Headlines

I've been doing some extremely abstract paintings… no paint, no canvas; I just think about it.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Art Entertainment Thinking

Thanks: A down payment on the next favor.

Definitions

Like a bug arguing with a chicken

Miscellaneous

Out of the frying pan, into a handbasket.

Mixed metaphors

You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Intelligence