Subject: Epitaphs (Page 15)

H. L. Mencken 1880 – 1956 – If after I depart this vale you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost, forgive some sinner, and wink your eye at some homely girl

Epitaphs

Here lies Groucho Marx and Lies and Lies and Lies

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… Dentist Brown – Is filling his last cavity.

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John Rose, Died Jan. 27. 1810, aged 10 years. Dr Friends and companions all, pray warning take by me, don't venture on the ice too far, as `twas the death of me.

Epitaphs

'Gone fishing', the sign said that hung upon the door. An Angel had put it there, God Was waiting on the shore.

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Let her RIP

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Here lies (the Lord have mercy on her) One of Her Majesty's maids of honour: she was young, slender, and pretty; she died a maid — the more's the pity.

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The wedding-day appointed was, and wedding clothes provided, before the nuptial day, alas! He sickened and he die did.

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I don’t want to talk about it now.

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Here lies a man who while he lived was happy as a linnet. He always lied while on the earth and now he's lying in it.

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Ruth and Johnny, Side by side, Went out for an auto ride, They hit a bump. Ruth hit a tree, And John kept going – Ruthlessly.

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At last I get top billing.

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Here lie the remains of Thomas Woodhen. The most amiable of husbands And excellent of men. His real name was Woodcock, But it wouldn't come in rhyme.

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Here lies the body of Johnny Haskell, A lying, thieving, cheating rascal; He always lied, and now he lies, He has no soul and cannot rise.

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Tears cannot restore her –– therefore I weep.

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Here lies Johnny Cole. Who died upon my soul after eating a plentiful dinner. While chewing his crust he was turned into dust with his crimes undigested – poor sinner.

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Julia Newton – died of thin shoes, April 17th, 1839, age 19 years.

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They abounded in riches but she wore the britches

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Beloved Husband of Joan, A Man With Nature, Who Loved Life & His Jigsaws – "Didjabringabeer"

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Sacred to the memory of Anthony Drake, who died for peace and quietness sake; his wife was constantly scolding and scoffin; so he sought for repose in a twelve-dollar coffin.

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I told you so. You damned fools.

(1866 – 1946) English author
Epitaphs