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Subject: Classifieds

Classifieds:

Usually unintentionally humorous classified ads, personal ads, notices or announcements as they appeared in various printed “Classified Ads” sections.

John Deere self propelled 22” lawn mower. “As new”. Bought for wife. Bad idea. Top of the line. Elec. Start, bagger etc. Paid nearly $600.00. Will sell for $400.00 for best…

FOR SALE: 1993 Chevy Lumina. Black exterior with beige interior. Runs and drives great. Sorry, no tires included.

Theft: A woman in the 1900 block of 129th Lane Northeast reported Oct. 15 that someone must have stolen her mail, because she did not receive birthday cards from some of her friends.

Easygoing athletic SJM, 41, seeking SF, looks not important, must be tall, slim and attractive.

COLD-A-SACK SALE on Lorine Ln. 5 family yard sales. Sat. 8-? Follow signs off 467 & Good Luck Rd. – Baby up to plus size clothing, furn., tools, & X-mas.

All positions are open until filled.

Finally – a calculator that has no equal.

WARNING! Restaurant Closing! The Corn Crib Restaurant Is Closing After 25 Years. If You Have A Gift Certificate To Corn Crib, We Suggest You Marinate It and Eat It!

HELP WANTED – Eyebrow Threading

Crucifix: Little man fell off. Scented dash mount included. Like new, $10. (970) 389-….

BOX OF Twinkies, 10 years old, two missing, rest have cream filling sucked out, $5. Call 217-….

MEATER READERS – Entry Level $16/hr + benefits, Call…

Selection As Big As The North Pole.

Lustful? Sinful? Sexual? These are all words not used in conjunction with my feeble, limp form for at least 32 years. You are a woman to 40 with high class looks and low class mind. I am an ever growing vessel of limp wristed sexual energy just waiting to be shook. You may call me sir. box no. 32/02

WANTED: Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

Garage sale: Come and partake of the drapes of wrath, sofas choice, star dreck, broken china syndrome, laricats of wire and rubble without cause.

The Most Romantic Love Songs of the ‘50s: Including 16 Tons by Tennessee Ernie Ford

Square coffee table 53” Long X 21” Wide with storage, $80. 453-….

VIBRATOR, used twice, great condition. $10. Ryan 504-…. from 8–4 pm

Nordic track $300 – hardly used – call Chubby.

Are you Kate Bush?’ Write to obsessive man (36). Note, people who aren't Kate Bush need not respond.